Far be it from me –

Insult to injury?

The how and why is not yet apparent but at around 10 pm on Monday 31st July 2017  I was at home and received an electric shock to my hands and arms from a power socket,. Having phoned 111 and established that under NHS guidelines, electrical injuries must be looked at within 4 hours, I tried to follow the advice of the clinician from 111,  and breathe deeply to stay calm until help arrived.

At 11.40 pm I found myself in A&E department. I was transported there on a stretcher in an ambulance when ECGs carried out in my home, revealed an irregular heartbeat.  The paramedic  had also noted one of  the pupils in my eyes was bigger than the other.

Walking into the A&E department with two paramedics, and my husband we found ourselves at the back of a long queue.   Glancing ahead we saw patients on trolleys, a handcuff, blood streaked patient in a wheelchair, escorted by two policemen, and heard a patient calling out about someone who had been injured in a shotgun incident.    Probably 20 minutes later, my husband and I were led into a packed waiting room and reassured that another ECG had been pre booked.  Staff told us that the A&E department had been getting busier and busier but since the closure of the A&E 19 miles away, what we were experiencing was not unusual for a Monday night.

We found two chairs to sit on; one was a swivel type office chair so I perched on that, while my husband sat nearby.   And we waited.    By 1.45 a.m. I’d had another ECG which thankfully had returned to normal.   Two more checks on my eyes revealed there was nothing wrong.   Subsequently I’ve realised that because I’ve had double cataract surgery I no longer have binocular vision, so that probably accounted for the concerns shown by the lst paramedic.   This is something I will check out with my GP.

By 2 a.m. I was told my obs (Blood Pressure and pulse) were OK.   At this stage the triage nurse asked us if anyone had told us that there would be a long wait to see the hospital Doctor.  No we said.  Well it’s not really their place, came the reply.    The triage nurse indicated that we would be able to see the Doctor by the morning and said it was “my choice”

We waited and by 3 a.m. I still hadn’t been seen by the Doctor.   We’d been given a beaker of water earlier, after the last ECG and we went to get a drink from the vending machine and decided we’d hold on a little longer.    I went to reception desk at 3.30 a.m. and found out there were still 7 patients ahead of us in the system, and the patient in front of us had already been waiting for 6 hours.   Just before 4. a.m. I spotted an email address on a poster ekh-tr.patientexperienceteam@nhs.net and decided I would send in some feedback at a later stage.   I then texted a local taxi company, who sent a taxi to pick us up at 4.30 a.m and took us home, for much needed sleep.


Yes. I’m  counting my blessings; trying so hard not to remember the forced electrical convulsive therapy treatments I’d endured in 1994 and grateful now for paracetamol to ease the pain; thankful to dedicated NHS staff.    Recovering now from my ordeal, I’ve had to phone the duty doctor at my Doctor’s surgery because I had a nagging pain at the top of my rib cage and thanks to a conversation with him, I now understand that when someone has an electric shock and is thrown across the room, muscles contract so I now can identify my pain as muscular-skeletal and can take Paracetamol.  The duty doctor also explained that the lst paramedic had asked me to remove my two magnetic bracelets and my Ladycare magnet, to ensure an accurate reading from the ECG.  It is unfortunate that while being cared for by the NHS in A&E I have been re traumatised by the sights and sounds in the department, and by the memories of ECT that this electrical injury has triggered.   To reiterate, I am grateful to the kind and caring Paramedics, and to the caring Nursing staff on duty that night; they were clearly rushed off their feet and under enormous pressure; but I can’t help but agree with the parting words of the Duty Doctor ; that this government is destroying the NHS.



© Judith Haire 2017












No Child Of Mine by Judith Haire


Don’t talk.    Don’t feel.   Don’t be.  Learn to hide your feelings and thoughts.  Yes that’s better.  Blame the illness on your genes.   You’re mad.   You’re bad.  There’s no hope for you and we told you so.  You can’t blame us  –  you made your choices. We tried to help you when you were a teenager and very depressed.  Don’t you remember?   We took you to see a Child Guidance Specialist.  He gave you Diazepam and Mogadon didn’t he.   Yes it was a shock to us all when you became psychotic.    A cocktail of psychotropic drugs, electro convulsive therapy and shame.  There, that’s the best we can do.  We did come to see you in hospital.   We came every day.  Some days the nurse told us not to bother because you were in your own little world.  The psychiatrist told us he thought you were hallucinating and having delusions.  We were very worried about you when you said you didn’t want to take your medication any more.   Shouldn’t you have been on a maintenance dose?  Yes we knew you had side effects but surely there was other medication you could have taken for those?  Oh and you have cataracts?  Don’t worry we can operate on your eyes – did you take Chlorpromazine by any chance?  We’ll get your sight back.  And your eyes will be like brand new.  


You can’t have your job back you’re dead wood and you’ve taken too much sick leave.

Try to do something useful with your life dear.  Oh you wanted children?  Well it’s probably best you didn’t.  Not with your history.  


It’s not our fault.   We had no idea you were struggling.  We didn’t realise just how far we had pushed you.  Now you say you were in an abusive relationship well we told you to leave.  Yes you did leave and you broke down.  That’s what comes of bottling it all up dear.

No one can hear your headaches you’ve got to find your voice.  

I can hear screaming.  After a moment I realise it’s me.  I’m sobbing.  I shout out “He’s going to get me”  I sit up suddenly. I shake.  


I’m cold.  I wrap myself more tightly in my blankets and try to sleep.  Memories of another day are receding.  Full of self-loathing I promise myself I will seek help tomorrow.   I pick up the phone.  I talk to a well being practitioner.  I  explain  I’m having night terrors.  She tells me that children have night terrors,  I know.  They’ve never gone away.   I can hear her typing.    She doesn’t understand.   I go to one session of counselling.  I go to another but leave half way through.  Still, no one hears my voice;


© Judith Haire 2017

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Our Encounters with Stalking 9781910919248 (Due 31st October 2017) AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER

Source: Our Encounters with Stalking 9781910919248 (Due 31st October 2017) AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER

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What is Social Anxiety?

Source: What is Social Anxiety?

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What Chester Bennington’s death tells us about mental health awareness

Dr Goat's Blog

Millions of us were shocked and hurt by the sudden death of Chester Bennington, who committed suicide two days ago. He was 41. If you don’t know who he is and have never heard anything by Linkin Park, l suggest you familiarise yourself with Hybrid Theory immediately.

As well as sadness and disbelief, public reactions to suicide invariably include the judgemental. It’s the coward’s way out. It’s selfish to those left behind. They should have just pulled themselves together. I’ve seen plenty of those over the last day or so, but they have been far fewer than those expressing sorrow and sympathy, and many people have directly challenged the more hateful comments.

Encouraging as it is, what bothers me is how those defences are being constructed. They all seem to vary on a theme: that depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, which people…

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EMDR and Preverbal Infant Trauma: My Experience So Far

Source: EMDR and Preverbal Infant Trauma: My Experience So Far

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Disabled claimants told: 2 yrs to get job or be sanctioned for a year


dwpp2The government is pressing ahead with the roll-out of its Universal Credit (UC) replacement to the benefits system in spite of huge delays and problems – and continuing problems so ingrained that foodbank use has increased sharply in every area where is has been implemented.

UC contains a draconian set of provisions, including a ‘Claimant Commitment’ (CC) – a set of imposed requirements to which the claimant has no right of appeal whatever. As the government’s guidance on CCs states:

There is no right of appeal if a claimant refuses to accept their Claimant Commitment and the requirements that have been set out in it.

A JCP adviser – who might be incompetent, inexperienced, bitter, have a personality clash with the claimant or just simply be having a bad day – is the final arbiter of whether a CC is reasonable and achievable, and even a patently bad decision…

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Addiction doc says: It’s not the drugs. It’s the ACEs – adverse childhood experiences.

ACEs Too High


He says: Addiction shouldn’t be called “addiction”. It should be called “ritualized compulsive comfort-seeking”.

He says: Ritualized compulsive comfort-seeking (what traditionalists call addiction) is a normal response to the adversity experienced in childhood, just like bleeding is a normal response to being stabbed.

He says: The solution to changing the illegal or unhealthy ritualized compulsive comfort-seeking behavior of opioid addiction is to address a person’s adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) individually and in group therapy; treat people with respect; provide medication assistance in the form of buprenorphine, an opioid used to treat opioid addiction; and help them find a ritualized compulsive comfort-seeking behavior that won’t kill them or put them in jail.

This “he” isn’t some hippy-dippy new age dreamer. He is Dr. Daniel Sumrok, director of the Center for Addiction Sciences at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center’s College of Medicine. The center is the first to receive the…

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I am highlighting celebrities, journalists, organisations who continue to spout the chemical imbalance nonsense.


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talking about “psychosis”…

recovery network: Toronto

Psychosis is not a “thing” except as a kind of  aperture or a lens through which we view someone struggling. It’s an interpretation, a way of seeing, of categorizing, naming, and talking about a person’s struggle.

That that lens, that interpretation, that way of seeing and talking about tells us as much and more about the person doing the looking as it does about the person whom they gaze upon and who is struggling.

… and that’s all our choice, the one we make.

Here’s one way of choosing…

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Putting hoof to keyboard to bring you views from the farmyard on public health, public mental health and related issues. And goats. These views are my own, and do not represent those of any organisations or endorse any political perspective - but whatever I'm eating may have been stolen.

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